The Power of “I” Statements (vs “You”)
The Power of “I” Statements (vs “You”)
- 22-10-2024
- Strengthening Teams Through Communication
Effective communication is the foundation of any strong team. In this video, we explore the power of “I” statements and how shifting away from blaming language like “you always” or “you make me” can transform conversations, reduce defensiveness, and create a culture of psychological safety.
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Video transcript
I statements versus you statements is what we’re really looking for. Things like, “you always interrupt”, “you do this”, “you make me feel this way” — we have to get away from that. It’s not the person that’s making us feel this way, it is the emotions that are coming through what we understand to cause that feeling.
Tommy doesn’t make us angry, Tommy doesn’t have the ability to make me angry. But what happens is when Tommy says certain things, I get angry. I allow myself to get angry because of the stories that I create in my head off of what Tommy has said. So it’s not Tommy that’s doing it, it’s the situation that’s doing it, and it’s me allowing it to happen. So this is a really hard one, you really want to make sure that we’re taking ownership of our emotions, our thoughts, and our stories, and making sure that we really got it down to where we are in control.
That’s why we use the I statements: “I feel like this”, “I understand”, “hey, I would like to be able to complete my sentence before you speak”, “I would like this to happen”. And you can even say “I feel”, but this is the idea, we are no longer pushing it off on the other person because that’s what’s going to cause defensiveness, and that’s going to cause issues. So when we can, get into that space where you use I statements. And you can even say, “forgive me if I’m wrong, but I feel you’re pushing back”. We can go there, but say “I feel”. It may not be the truth, but it helps, instead of saying “you are pushing back”, and they’re like, “no, I’m not”, and they get defensive, and that psychological safety is broken, you know? So really get into those statements of “I”.
